13 May 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on May 13th, 2008 @ 07:09:55 am, using 223 words, No views
So I was driving home from work yesterday and I witnessed something that was rather disturbing. As I was pulling up to a stoplight I looked over and saw two guys riding on a scooter together. The guy on the back of the scooter was holding onto the driver like he was getting ready to pound him in the ass and it looked like he was rubbing the guys back, it just wasn’t right. I don’t care who you are no man should ride on the back of a motorcycle or scooter with another man, period. There’s something about rubbing your dick up against another man’s ass while driving that just doesn’t seem too fucking Kosher to me. I don’t care if you’re stuck in Bum Fucked Egypt, that actually is a place I’ve been there, you just don’t catch a ride on a vehicle with a guy where you have to hold onto him from behind. Even gay dudes are like, “no fucking way man I’m not riding on the back, only queers do that”. So if you’re ever planning on riding on the back of a scooter or motorcycle with another guy, don’t. Because trust me you’re being laughed at by every other driver on the road!
DG
12 May 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on May 12th, 2008 @ 08:19:45 am, using 276 words, 22 views
You want to know how to make yourself a few million dollars rather quickly? I have it all figured out! The key is rap music, but not good rap music no you need a real shitty rap song to get rich. All you need to do is come up with the dumbest fucking saying you could possibly think of like “Superman dat ho” or “Skeet skeet that bitch” and you’ll sign a record deal in no time. Then you get yourself a big ass chain, some platinum teeth, a Chevy Caprice with monster truck tires and a catchy name like Young Fuck or Dollar Bill. You talk about all the drugs you never actually sold, all the women you never “skeeted” on and all the weed and liquor you consume. Then you get all the soccer moms to buy your song for their 11 year old kids and they don’t even realize they are singing to a song about ejaculating on a woman’s back and putting the sheets on it to resemble a cape, IE Superman that ho. The next thing you know you’re fucking famous off of some stupid shit you made up when you were high. And when you’re all washed up and can no longer make any shitty hit songs MTV will make you a host of one of their fucked up reality shows. It’s that easy people, you too can become a millionaire just like these fuckers with no talent. I’m actually working on my first single “The Dirty Sanchez Surprise” by Dougie Fresh and the Smelly Fingers. Word to ya motha I’m outtie son!
DG
09 May 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on May 9th, 2008 @ 10:52:57 am, using 81 words, 16 views
I love watching police chases on TV and it’s actually one of my favorite pastimes! But how come they never show the 1 out of 10 cars that actually get away? For once I’d love to see a bad guy get away from the fuzz, just once! Honestly if I won the lottery I would buy the fastest and best handling car money could buy and then go on a police chase of my own just for fun, fuck it!
DG
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on May 9th, 2008 @ 06:50:55 am, using 243 words, 21 views
I’ve seen some dumb shit in my lifetime but this one really takes the fucking cake here. I was reading a story yesterday about a woman in Texas who was a juror for a marijuana possession trial. This lady was caught smoking a joint during the trial’s recession right outside of the fucking courthouse, talk about tampering with evidence. Now I understand the whole need to burn one but Goddamn couldn’t she have at least went for a drive or a walk away from the courthouse maybe? I mean hell why didn’t she just light it up in the fucking courtroom from the beginning? I just don’t get it sometimes! How can you be that stupid to get high in front of a courthouse, and in Texas of all places? Didn’t this bitch realize that some other chick had to resort to a trial by jury for a simple weed charge in the “lonestar state”? It’s people like this that give the normal weed smokers a bad name. Usually I would be on someone’s side if they got caught with a little weed but this chick deserves to go to jail for being an idiot. Either this woman was too fucking stupid to realize what she was doing or she really wasn’t a woman at all because smoking bud in front of the courthouse takes BIG balls! 
DG
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08 May 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on May 8th, 2008 @ 08:47:35 am, using 350 words, 27 views
The other day I was in need of a small four port network hub and the closest place to get one was Office Depot. So I headed over there and of course I could not find the goddamn thing and had to ask for assistance. I specifically asked the guy for a small “hub” and he proceeds to hand me a wireless router, no I said I need a hub please. Then the guy asks me “Oh you have a router already? Wow what all do you have plugged in there that you need so many ports?” Does it really fucking matter what I need it for?
You see I never like to go to a computer store and act like I’m a “know it all” arrogant IT asshole who thinks his shit doesn’t stink, but there are people who do that. So I just kept letting the guy talk waiting for him to find me my shit. He then brings me a four port switch, again I had to tell him “sir I need a hub not a switch”. Well this fucker starts going on and on about how I should take the switch instead because it’s better than a hub, bla bla bla.
I finally said to the fucking guy listen, “I’m sure you know what you’re talking about but you should never assume you know more than someone else. I need a fucking hub because I do packet traces with Ethereal and a switch will not work, got it?” So finally after having to school the guy as to why I wanted what I did, I got the shit I needed and left. These fucks at the store think that because they sell computers that they’re actually a real engineer or some shit. I went to the store knowing exactly what I wanted and I don’t need some punk ass kid telling me that I don’t know what I am talking about. The moral of the story, give me what I asked for and shut the fuck up!
DG
07 May 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on May 7th, 2008 @ 06:38:12 am, using 347 words, 31 views
I may have many faults to myself but one thing I would never do is disrespect an elderly person. I was taught at a young age to respect my elders and if I didn’t follow that rule my dad would smack the shit out of me. Well a good friend of mine sent me this video yesterday and although it was meant to be funny I actually found it quite disturbing. It’s a video of a young black girl on a train going fucking nuts and threatening to kill an old lady. You know how those damn rednecks always “see” a UFO and then when their interviewed they make a complete ass of themselves on video causing the rest of the world to have a bad impression on white folks? Well that’s what this girl did for black people, but I wont go any further with that because it’s not really the point I am trying to get across here.
The fucked up part about this video is the fact that no one came to the aid of the elderly woman on the train. There were all kinds of people sitting there, both young and old, and not one of them stopped this dumb bitch from fucking with the old lady. Everyone in this video should be ashamed of themselves for sitting there and letting that shit happen. I know for Goddamn sure that if I was on that train I would have fucking smacked that crazy whore right in the mouth and I really wouldn’t give two shits that she was a woman, this would have been one of those accepted times. I honestly don’t fucking know what is wrong with Americas youth these days but someone needs to let these fucking kids know who’s boss. These little bastard kids need to learn some respect for their elders before one of their elders pulls out a .45 next time. What if that was your grandma or mother on that train, what would you have done?
DG
06 May 2008
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on May 6th, 2008 @ 04:07:24 pm, using 202 words, 14 views
I just had to post this one! So I was on the phone today and nine times out of ten I use the speakerphone because I am usually doing three or four things at once. Well this asshole I was talking to says to me “You wanna pick up the phone when you’re talking to me?” Honestly I almost fucking lost it but I want to keep job so I was kind of polite. I told the fucker “Hey I’m multitasking here, you should try it sometime.” Well I guess he didn’t like that too much so he hung up on me. You see shit like that deserves an ass whooping no matter who you are. Does it really fucking matter if I had you on speaker or not? I mean it’s not like we’re sharing classified data or something and if I really didn’t want anyone to overhear my conversation I would have picked up the fucking phone. So please if you’re reading this now, NEVER ask someone to take you off speaker because they’re probably fucking busy and are doing YOU a favor by fitting you in to their busy schedule!
DG
Written by
Doug (
)
Published on May 6th, 2008 @ 07:05:39 am, using 437 words, 27 views
I have lived in South Florida all my life and have watched a significant change in the language barrier here. The Latin population has grown to where you hear people speaking Spanish almost everywhere. I have a lot of Latin friends, all of which are bi-lingual otherwise they probably wouldn’t be my friends due to the lack of communication. And for most of my life I have done fine without speaking Spanish, I’ve learned a few words here and there but for the most part I have not needed it. But recently I have been to a few places where nobody spoke not one fucking lick of English and it gets quite frustrating when you try to communicate. So I have decided I am going to throw in the fucking towel here.
I’m done bitching about how all the people come to this country and cannot pickup our language, but people from overseas who have never even been to America speak perfect English. I’m done worrying about the shit and I’m going to say, “fuck it” and finally learn how to speak Spanish. I figure I might as well and there is good reasoning behind it. There have been so many times I have asked a Latin person for either directions or where something is located in a store and they always give that dumb fucking look and say, “I dunno, me no Engle”. Well I want to be able to come back with some Spanish shit for these fuckers so that way they HAVE to answer me. I also want to be able to act like I don’t know any English either when an annoying fucker comes to me for shit like that.
Think about it, if you don’t speak any English down here there is no incentive to learn it because almost everyone speaks Spanish, so why fucking bother? That’s why I think throwing in the towel and learning the shit makes a lot of sense, if you can’t beat em join em. Shit this way I’ll know when these fuckers are talking shit about me and I can act like I don’t understand, then when they are done talking shit I will come back with some “Sé lo que usted dijo asshole”. Hell who knows how many times I have been called names and I just smiled like it was all cool, fuck that! So I got my Silvan learning package and I’m going to start today, “Así que les besa mi asno a todas las personas que no hablan ingles!”
DG
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